Posted in Frank, Personal, Relationships

“Just one beer…”

To him it was just one beer, but to me it broke my heart.

Last night, Frank came home. He seemed normal. He woke me up in order to reach across me and move Note into her toddler bed. He got ready for bed himself, and as he did so, he asked, “Do you want to have sex?”

Heck yes. But first, I had to pee. I’m 33 weeks pregnant, after all. Go do my business, climb back into bed. Roll over, with great effort, in order to face Frank, lean in for a kiss and…

“Why do you smell like beer?”

A moment of silence, seconds stretched out beyond recognition, each heartbeat an eternity.

“I had a beer.”

Oh no. My worst fear. I feel sick to my stomach, bile rising in my throat as my heart beats wildly. What do I do? Swallow. Breathe. Focus.

I know what this means. He knows what this means, has to had known as he put the glass to his lips and took a sip. How many sips until he thought of us? Did he care? Did he even think about it? He has done things like this before without giving us a thought at all.

Of course the argument comes next, and it comes as no surprise to me that he attempts to blame this on me.

“I’m a submissive. Why aren’t you more controlling?”

And in the same breath, “I have a problem with authority and I feel like I have no freedom.”

I feel sorry for him, but I’ve always felt sorry for him. That’s why he never has to deal with the consequences of his actions, that’s why he never learns.

Maybe it is my fault.

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Posted in Pre-Natal Appointments, Pregnancy, Treble

33 Weeks!

We just had our 33 week prenatal appointment. Before that, we also had the last ultrasound of this pregnancy. We wouldn’t have gotten another ultrasound, but at out 20 week they could not see all of the baby’s heart and suggested we have the ultrasound redone just to be on the safe side, even though everything else looked great and very normal. We got to see all the parts of little Treble and get a couple of pictures.

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Bottom half of face

Treble is head down and slightly engaged, but I can tell from his movements that he engages and disengages all the time. This is a relief as he was stuck in the oblique position for a while and it made me a little worried he might have the umbilical cord around his neck like Note. He seems to be favoring the ROA position, that is that his spine is on my right side but he is mostly facing towards my back. Note was posterior and that caused back pain, which hurt tremendously while in labor. I’ve done a little work to help get Treble into an optimal position. While I do know there is still plenty of time for him to turn whichever way he pleases, this has been the position he is most in so I am hoping it is the position he will be in for labor and delivery.

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Sex check!

Treble measured right on track for everything, even down to the day on most things. The only thing that he measured differently on was his head. It’s measuring almost a week and a half bigger! He’s estimated to weigh 5 lbs right now, so a little bigger than Note at this stage. We could see his hair in the ultrasound. It was much longer than Note’s at this stage. We could see it waving in the water. It looked like little spikes coming off of his head. I can’t believe how much hair he has already. I really want to see what pattern it naturally falls in. Note had amazing baby hair as hers stood up at the back naturally and made for a very cute little face. We did also get another shot of Treble’s junk. I actually didn’t ask for it this time! But I am glad to be able to see it as I still sometimes get paranoid we will have a surprise in the delivery room.

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Note helped find the heartbeat at our appointment.

Right after the ultrasound, we went to the midwife for our prenatal appointment. It was pretty short, as the last ones have been, and there was really nothing new to report this time. We did meet the newest midwife fellow named Carly. She was a delight and it really was a pleasure meeting her. I do hope that she is one of the ones at my birth as she definitely made me feel comfortable. I do hate that Heather isn’t around anymore, but I hope that she is having a great time with her new husband in a new city!

Overall, a pretty good day. I moved back in with my grandma a couple of weeks ago and I just came over here to spend some time with Frank but I’ll be going back now that I had my appointment. I probably won’t come back again until I have my next appointment, but I will probably see Frank on his days off. I’m not too sure how it will all play out with how the vehicle he’s using now. It isn’t the most reliable, so we shall see if it can make the drive!

I need to make sure to post more updates as I do want to document my pregnancy with Treble better than I did my pregnancy with Note. It is challenging with a toddler around, but I’ll at least need to post pictures!