Posted in Personal, Polyamory, Surrogate, TTC

I’m Gonna Be A… Surrogate!

This is something that I really need to keep track of, that really needs an outlet. And so, like many times before, here I am starting anew. This is a very important journey and time in my life. I know I will have a lot of feelings and a lot of things will be going on with this, so I think it’s very important that I have a place to document all this.

I recently met a couple in a polyamorous relationship. They are in a closed quad, and I absolutely love their dynamic. I’ll be keeping their names out of this for their privacy, especially since they aren’t out yet. For various reasons, the two women of the quad, M and B, can’t have any more children. Both m/f couples in the quad have children from previous relationships but neither of them have children together. While both couples want a baby, it was M who originally approached me about being a surrogate for her and her husband K. If all goes well, I will likely end up being a surrogate for B and her husband J.

We are still in the very early stages of all this. I have tried to be as open and honest with them as possible and I feel they are doing the same to me. We have talked and exchanged pictures. The conversations are still slightly awkward, but I have no worries about asking them questions whenever they pop into my head. I think that we will get along and hopefully can bring a baby into the world for them.

The current plan is to meet in December about halfway between our two cities in Austin and then start trying in February after Frankie and I move to Dallas, which is only four hours from where they live. I am tracking my periods and they sent me some opks so that I can track my ovulation as well to see if the predictions are matching up with the actual time that I ovulate.

I’m so so excited about this as I have wanted to be a surrogate for a long time. I wish they weren’t so far away and we could start trying immediately. It seems like distance is always the problem in these kinds of things.

For now, I just have to hold onto that excitement and wait. I know that the time will fly by with everything else that I have going on, which I also hope to update on this blog. I always say that I hope I can keep this blog active but never do. I have to do it this time though. I need to chronicle this amazing journey I’m about to start.

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Posted in Personal, Polyamory, Relationships

Disenchantment

[insert sarcasm] You know what feeling I absolutely love? The one where you’re getting close to someone, where everything seems to be going along fine, where even your picky as fuck toddler loves this person, and they suddenly stop talking to you. It’s even better when said person said you were going to hang out Saturday, then Saturday comes and goes without a single message from them. [end sarcasm]

I understand things happen. I understand life gets in the way. That’s fine. That’s totally cool. But it doesn’t take much time to drop a text message to say “hi” or “thinking of you”.

[insert more sarcasm] And you know what the best part is? When your partner texts said person asking if they want to go out and have a beer and that person responds to your partner within the hour. Meanwhile your own text have gone unanswered for days. [end sarcasm]

I’m venting, and I know I shouldn’t be, at least not here. But at this point, I need an outlet, and this blog hasn’t gotten an update in a while. And, like I said, I am not going to let it die once more.

I’m a bit disenchanted with polyamory now, where before I had fallen in love with it all again. Like any relationship type, there are pitfalls and heartbreaks. Would I say my heart is broken right now? No, but I am definitely disappointed. It’s fine though, totally cool. I’ve been pretty busy trying to keep up with my writing schedule for NaNoWriMo. I’m finally getting one of my novel ideas down on paper, and it’s about damn time. The idea deserves my attention, or at least as much attention as I can give it between breastfeeding session and toddler tantrum damage control.

Posted in Health, Personal, Polyamory, Relationships

Keeping Up

I’ve never been good with keeping up with writing on a schedule. Every time I make a blog, it seems to fall flat due to my own inability to set aside some time to do one of the things I love the most – WRITE! (Un)fortunately, I’m at a point in my life where a lot of things are about to start changing. Some of these changes will be positive, while others will be negative. This means that I will NOT allow this blog to die like I have let it for the past year and a half.

I don’t believe I’ve ever gone into the details of my relationship situation/structure on this blog, and I hardly ever disclose the details in my real life unless such a question or situation arises where a clarification is needed. Frank and I are in an open and poly-amorous relationship. I will go more into what this means and how our relationship works in another blog post, but for now I will keep this shorter and simpler.

Frank was diagnosed with herpes this past Saturday. We get the official results this Saturday, but at this point we are pretty certain that he is going through a herpes outbreak. The bad news? We never bothered using condoms with each other (which would have only helped a little, since condoms only reduce the risk of getting herpes by 50%). Now, I’m going through a herpes outbreak myself… without health insurance. It’s not that bad yet, but I’m a few days behind Frank in terms of symptoms, and he’s getting pretty bad while taking medication. I’m not looking forward to facing the same fate without anything to curb the effects. That’s one of the negative changes in my life.

But now let me move onto the positive. His name is Charles and he’s positively wonderful. I haven’t dated outside of my marriage in quite some, so this all feels like new territory to me once again. I met him on the notorious Tinder, infamous for being a cesspool of fuckboys (have I mentioned this is my new favorite word?) and hook ups. Okay, that’s not always as bad as it sounds, but it wasn’t what I was looking for. Either way, I decided to give the app a shot and I met a couple of cool people on there who weren’t total fuckboys. One of these gems was Charles, who instantly caught my eye as he enjoyed reading, writing, and had been in a polyamorous relationship before. Yeah, the beard threw me off a little (I hate facial hair), but it was a small trade off for the personality under the hair.

The only person I have been with since my pregnancy has been T.C. I love his company and we share many interests. He’s kind and respectful. But I always felt there was just a small something missing between us. Not something easily tangible or anything I could put my finger on, probably something that wouldn’t ever cause problems due to being missing, but just enough to cause me to never want to jump fully back into polyamory after my pregnancy. Charles has that little something.

Charles and I are far from an official anything, but we’re both very excited to explore the possibility of something between us. Even if nothing happens, he has reopened my eyes to the beautiful and fulfilling life I can have should I continue down the polyamorous path. I had begun to stray, not necessarily wanting our relationship to become monogamous, but allowing myself to fall into a typical monogamous relationship on my side while Frank went out, flirted, and dated (never mind that one of the two guys he recently dated gave him herpes… Can you tell I’m bitter?).

And another (huge) plus for Charles is that Note absolutely loves him. Note never really liked T.C., and I’ve never been sure why. Note doesn’t like a lot of people though, to be honest, so it’s not usually something I hold against people, but it’s definitely a big positive..

Well, that will be it for my little update this time around. Maybe next time I’ll go into the endless amount of fuckboys I’ve met and the ridiculous amount of laughs they’ve given me.