Random Update

I’m feeling a bit better about the whole situation. I guess in the beginning it was very hard now that things were a reality. I talked things over with Alex and he seems to be genuine when he says we will have a child in the future.

He got drunk the other night and started texting me. It was very sweet and when he woke up in the morning he assured me that everything he said was true. I do really feel like he loves me. I do think he wants to build some kind of future together. I get so caught up in the future sometimes though, and I would really just like to enjoy what we have going for us right now.

I wonder why no one ever really had the patience for him before. He’s pretty great, willing to talk and work on the things that need improvement. I wish I could say the same about myself. I feel like I’m stuck with no way forward and no way back.

Things are not going well with Sage. I wish that I could just leave honestly. I know that is pretty horrible, but I’m just so tired and I don’t want to deal with her issues anymore. She doesn’t take care of them and doesn’t deal with them so that they become a much bigger problem than they should be. I get that they are a part of her and her life, but they can definitely be managed if she actually wanted to put in the work to do that. She wants everything to be easy, and that’s just not the way the world works when it comes to mental illness. You have to put in the work. No magical medication is going to instantly fix all the problems, especially the ones caused by deliberately getting off medication for long periods of time.

The kids are no longer going out of town this weekend, which means I have to try and find a last minute baby sitter for an event on Saturday. I do not think I will be letting them go anymore. I was treated very rudely for asking questions trying to clarify the situation. Some of these feelings might be the pregnancy hormones, but I don’t really care at this point.

I guess I am feeling a little bitter and angry.